What is My Monkey Mind?

You’ll hear me refer to Monkey Mind alot but I’m not referring to the Buddhist concept of ‘Monkey Mind’ where it’s about your inner critic becoming unsettled or distracted, I’m referring to My Monkey Mind as a more visual personal concept.

My experience with anxiety

Anxiety has been a part of my life since my teens but never fully noticed or understood what it was. The quiet one in the corner. Always anxious for exams, answering questions in school, attending that lesson with the horrible teacher, and don’t get me started when you turn 18 and everyone goes out drinking. My mind would overthink all situations and then going home early. It wasn’t until my early twenties when I realised that something wasn’t quite right and that’s when my Doctor labelled it as ‘Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Panic’.

When I was in my early twenties, my anxiety and panic attacks were starting to get worse. I would have a panic attack about leaving home, flying, attending meetings, or just day to day tasks, the list is endless. I was still living with my parents and I remember sitting on my bed crying and having a panic attack about going abroad to Egypt. There was a lot of firsts happening. My first time flying on my own, first time without my parents, first time going to Egypt, first time at Bristol Airport but along with the firsts, came a lot of unknown. If you follow me on Social Media, you’ll know the unknown is one of my triggers.

Whilst I was sobbing, my mind’s overthinking and creating scenarios (I won’t disclose them as they could be a trigger for someone else but you can imagine what my mind was coming up with), my heart was racing, I couldn’t sleep, I was swallowed up in anxiety and panic attacks. My mum sat through it all, heard all the scenarios, and she said ‘Let’s stop and just breathe… and flick that Monkey off your shoulder’.

And that’s how My Monkey Mind started!

I didn’t realise that such a small simple sentence would have a great impact to me. That sentence de-sensitised my anxiety, it created separation between me and my mind. It allowed me to visualise my anxiety in a fun way, it wasn’t scary anymore. It instantly lost the control over me.

Ten years later, it has still stuck with me but in a different way. Over the years of personal development, reading books and attending workshops about anxiety, confidence and mindset, I’ve realise anxiety is a feeling, it’s not who I am. I don’t refer to anxiety as me anymore, I refer to anxiety as the monkey (I’ll write another post on that another day).

What is My Monkey Mind?

The Monkey makes the negative thoughts seem louder, more realistic, and like your mind is trapped in a never ending spiral. It feels like you’ve lost control and the thoughts are taking over every single day. The Monkey loves to encourage your self doubt, sabotage your confidence and knocks your self trust. It’s like an addiction for the Monkey by stimulating from the negative, irrational thoughts.

It’s when you are constantly living in fight or flight mode and on high alert at all times. You wake up anxious or on edge, you go through the day second guessing every move and then you try to sleep whilst overthinking. My Monkey Mind is when you live either in the past or future, you either ruminate about past events or conversations or you’re overthinking and creating hypothetical scenarios about the future.

My Monkey Mind is about that pesky monkey sat within your mind and winding you up. It’s about understanding how to befriend the Monkey and look after it. It’s about you taking back control of how you live your life, not the Monkey.

Why I created My Monkey Mind?

I was very fortunate that I had a Doctor who listened to me, I basically asked her to increase my Sertraline (an anti-depressant medication) as I didn’t feel like the low dose was working. The Doctor heard me out, and said “Before we increase the medication, let’s try something else first”. Now I was a bit skeptical but at the same time willing to try anything to quiet this mind. My Doctor told me to journal and brain dump all my thoughts out on a piece of paper, it doesn’t have to be read or disclosed to any one, it was an outlet for my mind rather than bottle things up.

I purchased a new pretty notebook from Tesco, and just started writing. It felt a bit strange at first but it felt good. My mind felt less busy, lighter and my thoughts felt less scary and were rationalised. After sometime of journalling, I realised I didn’t need the extra dose of sertraline, I just needed a healthy outlet for my anxiety.

The brain and the mind is a complex organ and function, notice how I distinguished the two as individuals rather than a collective (they are not the same!). I’ve spent 6 years studying a BSc Psychology and read countless amount of books and attended multiple workshops and courses and realised that the information can become overwhelming at times. There’s nothing worse than trying to manage anxiety and feel like a rabbit in headlights navigating help.

Sometimes you don’t know where to start, usually the first point of contact is your Doctor, but what if you’re not fortunate enough to seek help straight away? Sometimes, they say you don’t need medication and to try different self help options and send you on your way. What if you don’t know how? and then your mental health spirals even more and it becomes a reactive measure to act immediately and have medication, therapy or sectioned. This is why I created My Monkey Mind.

Not only did I create My Monkey Mind as my outlet for writing, but My Monkey Mind is the preventative support that you need. It guides you through self help, educates you about Psychology and how you can implement practical tools to every day life. By doing this, you’re not reacting to a crisis or a spiral situation, you are being proactive and looking after your mental health, it becomes a part of your healthy lifestyle alongside your physical health. Let’s normalise this!

So welcome to My Monkey Mind. The place where you can feel heard, supported and not alone. The place where you take back control and implement practical psychology to your every day life so you can live more free and happier. I hope you find something here that can support you.

Have you ever experienced a pesky ‘Monkey Mind’? I’d love to hear your story in the comments.

Medical Disclaimer: The information on My Monkey Mind is for educational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice or a substitute for professional diagnosis, treatment or support. If you have concerns about your mental or physical health, please consult a qualified healthcare professional.